I tried to ditch Adderall - didn't work

Today I'm back on Adderall after being off for just under a year. My brain feels soooooo much better. Despite all I've been through to get off, I am glad to be back.

I was first diagnosed with ADHD during my internship as a therapist when I was in my 30's. My supervisor nailed me a couple of months in and told me about my "issue." It was news to me that my scattered, quirky, bizarre ways were anything but just me being my adorable self.

But after learning more, I have found that she was right. So I've sought medications and training in how to deal with myself. Eventually, this led me to taking stimulant medication.

Adderall made me nervous because there are so many strong opinions out there. But I did my research and felt ok to proceed. When I finally did start taking it, it made a colossal impact on my ability to sit and think without having to do 50 things at the same time but not ever accomplishing anything.

So why would I try to get off of it? Because... it's a controlled substance. Which means frequent doctor appointments. And monthly going back and forth to the pharmacy. Which I hate. Loathe, even. There are few things I hate worse than sitting in a waiting room at the doctor's office.

Therefore....

In favor of avoiding the doctor and the pharmacy, I decided to quit Adderall in early 2020. I wanted to take care of my health myself, order some vitamins on Amazon, meditate or whatever, and manage my ADHD naturally. I'm a therapist, after all, and I have access to all kinds of training materials. (Plus I love being my own guinea pig for the sake of my clients.) If I could crack this code, then I'd be free of the pharmacy! How lovely that would be! And I could tell my clients all the great workarounds I knew!

As part of my quest to become pharmacy-free, I took a 25 hour CEU seminar that taught me how a person could get off of almost any medication and replace it with healthy eating, lifestyle management, and supplements.

It was convincing. And to be honest, I still believe it could work for many medications. But despite my kombucha slugging, turmeric sprinkling, and supplement chomping, I still have felt like my brain has been in a vice grip, being drug under sediment-filled waters. In other words, I still couldn't concentrate despite all of the other remedies.

Probably about $1,000 worth of other remedies over the past year.

A thousand dollars, you say? Yes, a grand.

What did I buy, you say? Essential oils, herbs, and vitamins. Every kind & every flavor. The ones recommended by Dr. Axe and others like him.

What happened, you ask? Lots of cool stuff. I found that I do like essential oils for de-stressing and sleep. I learned that there are essential oils for all kinds of ailments. And that they work for some people. But the effect was so mild for me that I didn't find them effective for concentration. And as for vitamins and herbs, well I don't think they helped my concentration at all. Maybe they are helping with my anxiety and longevity, but definitely NOT my brain.

After putting almost a year into it, I was feeling absolutely frustrated. After crying to my husband about what I was going to try this week, once again, to try to concentrate and be productive, I finally said I was going to go back to Adderall.

My husband was supportive. And when I met with my doctor, he assured me that indeed, nothing alternative is nearly as effective as the stimulant medication. Bleh. I told him he was probably right.

Darn it. I wasn't able to life-hack my way out of that one. It's frustrating to not be able to find a work-around. I'm not the kind of person that likes to go to doctors and do their bidding. But honestly, I am really really grateful to be back to better functioning with my brain. I know stimulant medication is not a fix-all. And I know it is not right for everyone. But I have tried literally everything, and I've spent way too many hours crying in shame over how broken my brain is and how I can't get it to do the things I need it to do. I'm just grateful for the medication to help me. For all the bad rap against RX drugs, sometimes it actually is what I need. Whether I like it or not.

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