When my husband puts his mind to writing on a topic, he really goes all out. He was asked to speak on Daily Repentance in Sacrament Meeting for 10-15 minutes. He happened to be going out in our camper for three days away from the internet to do some hunting. He wrote the first draft there. Nothing like being away from technology to give some good contemplation time. As the week continued, he worked on polishing it up some more, and I was so thrilled by what he wrote that I had to share it. Here it is:
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One Sunday morning, a mother went looking for her son just before sacrament meeting was going to start. She looked in the hallways and finally found him outside, sitting at the curb, with his head in his hands. She asked him why he was not in the meeting.
He said, “Three reasons Mom, nobody likes me, nobody talks to me, and I'm afraid of the teenagers”.
She responded, “Honey, I'll give you three reasons why you should come in. First, to take the sacrament. Second, you are 45 years old, and third, you’re the Bishop!”
Speaking of the Bishop, he has invited me to repent daily.
Here's some back story. A year ago, Shara and I were having some personal and relationship struggles. She has high functioning autism and I have ADHD. She has very honed empathic skills, a keen sense of awareness, and a gift or a curse of organization and putting too many tasks on her “To Do” list.
I, on the other hand, had limited empathy, which I justified by telling myself “How can I feel another's pain and be an effective physical therapist? I had a keen sense of unawareness, almost to the point of self-appointed sainthood! And, sometimes, I still take things too personally.
One could justify our differences in black and white terms- generalizing, that all men are more or less unaware, unorganized (unless they have OCD), and unfeeling and apathetic. Oh, and I also tended to over generalize my inaccurate assumptions.
It finally got to the point last year for me to visit with the Bishop and explain my challenges. Not Shara’s, but my faults and shortcomings. After the visit, he gave me a priesthood blessing and one thing that he said was to “remember to repent daily”. I walked away thinking “that's weird - I'm not sinning. I have ADHD, I'm easily distracted, and unaware. Empathy is a gift, like charity. I was not given that gift. I can't change. I can't help it. How can I repent from that which I am unaware of? I have good intentions. It’s not my fault.”
At that point I realized some things.
Epiphany #1 was that this was a victim mentality.
Epiphany #2 You are denying the fact that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help me repent and change me if I let Him.
Epiphany #3 Repentance is change.
Epiphany #4 Do you want to lose your relationship with your wife and possibly your marriage or do you want to change?
Epiphany #5 Do you want a joyful life or a life of misery.
At this point I also asked the question “What am I willing to work for?”
I started with the faith that I could change. Faith is forward-looking. Knowledge is backward looking- history. Faith is a noun and also a verb. Faith that God will help me and faith that my efforts would be productive. But faith alone will not cause change, it requires action.
In Moroni’s epistle to Pahoran, he excoriated him for his lack of support and leadership for the Nephites, particularly those fighting and dying against the Lamanites.
In Alma 60:11 Moroni reprimands:
“ Behold, could ye suppose that ye could sit upon your thrones, and because of the exceeding goodness of God ye could do nothing and he would deliver you? Behold, if ye have supposed this ye have supposed in vain.”
I took that to mean that God is not going to save me, just because I’m a “good” person.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf stated:
“The Savior’s infinite Atonement completely changes the way we may view our transgressions and imperfections. Instead of dwelling on them and feeling irredeemable or hopeless, we can learn from them and feel hopeful. The cleansing gift of repentance allows us to leave our sins behind and emerge a new creature.”
I see now that the Bishop was right. By repenting daily, I am becoming more aware of my weaknesses, my shortcomings, and my sins. I am becoming a new person. Not necessarily because I'm sinning less, or my shortcomings are becoming shorter, or that my weaknesses are becoming my strengths, as much as, my relationship with my wife was improving, I had more hope because of an attitude change and a willingness to change and repent. This change came from within me, not from a change in my circumstances.
Elder David A. Bednar stated:
“…The primary function of the house of the Lord is for us to be transformed and become new creatures in Christ.
“Often in the world, change is attempted from the outside in. Many believe that changing a person’s circumstances is the best means of changing a person.
“God, however, typically works from the inside out. If we let Him, God can change our hearts— and then we are blessed with capacity and strength to change our circumstances.
“In the holy temples, what we learn and promise to do changes us from the inside out, enabling us to become more devoted disciples of Jesus Christ.”
By being more aware and practicing empathy, I can repent, I can change my heart, and testify that Jesus Christ is there to redeem and atone for every sin that we have, every time we sin, as long as our repentance is sincere and intentional.
Elder Dale G. Renlund stated:
“ In the Book of Mormon, Moroni 6: 8 says, ‘but as often as they repented and sought forgiveness, with real intent, they were forgiven.’ The hypocritical part comes if we make a mistake and don't repent and don't intend to repent. Integrity is that our actions and our beliefs are in complete harmony- it is how we try to live our lives. But is it hypocritical if we can't always do that? No, that's the whole point of repentance, isn't it? We can repent from those things that despite our good efforts we fail to do. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, forgiveness is real.”
The more that I have studied about daily repentance the more I see Jesus Christ, His presence, and His influence in everything that I've studied. It is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The whole Plan of Happiness has many pieces. But it all makes sense and all the pieces fit together to create this Plan of Happiness to give us choices, a choice to choose between good and evil and sometimes a choice to choose between two goods.
Lehi states this to his son, Jacob:
“Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil…” (2Nephi 2:27)
God’s Plan of Happiness has given us a chance to grow, to make mistakes, to overcome challenges, and to become more like Himself and His Son. I see that now even better than I have before.
President M. Russell Ballard shared:
“God loves all of His children, and He understands that life is an experience for all of us. We’re not perfect. We’re going to make mistakes. He has given us His Son, Jesus Christ, to help us change and see us through mortality…Ultimately, we should learn to live the way He would have us live, but regardless of the speed at which we change and progress, His love for us is unchangeable because we are His children…The Lord Jesus Christ can help us fix anything that needs fixing in our lives through His atoning sacrifice.”
In April of 2022 General Conference, President Nelson reassured us that:
“Repenting is the key to progress. Pure faith keeps us moving forward on the covenant path. Please do not fear or delay repenting. Satan delights in your misery. Cut it short. Cast his influence out of your life. Start today to experience the joy of putting off the natural man. The savior loves us always, but especially when we repent.”
My wife also has also said something very similar to me, “I will always love you, just sometimes more.”
One of my favorite apostles is J. Golden Kimball. He said a couple of things about repentance; one was “I may not have [always] walked the straight and narrow, but I [try] to cross it as often as I [can].”, and when asked how he could get away with the way he spoke, he was said to have replied: “Heck, they can't excommunicate me. I repent too darned fast.”
I am a different person than I was a year ago. Different physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Shara still has autism and I still have ADHD. I still make mistakes and get distracted at times, but I am more aware and more willing to accept my faults and weaknesses and change. One of the best words in the Temple recommend questions is the word “strive”. Sure, God wants us to be perfect, but it is not going to happen in this lifetime for me, but I know He will accept my best efforts.
In this last April conference, Elder Vern B Stanfill’s address, The Imperfect Harvest, he reminded us that:
…” perfectionism is not the same as being perfected in Christ”…
and he quotes Elder Dale G. Renlund when he said:
“…you don't have to be perfect, but we need you, because everyone who's willing can do something.
And again, President Nelson teaches us:
” …the Lord loves effort, the Savior stands ready to accept our humble offerings and perfect them through his grace. With Christ there is no imperfect harvest, he will help us rescue us from the depths when we falter, and perfect our less than perfect efforts.”
Elder Rafael E. Pino stated in October 2022 General Conference:
President Nelson has also counseled: “Embrace your new normal by repenting daily. Seek to be increasingly pure in thought, word, and deed. Minister to others. Keep an eternal perspective. Magnify your callings. And whatever your challenges, my dear brothers and sisters, live each day so that you are more prepared to meet your Maker.”
“I pray that our normality may allow us to experience that state of “never-ending happiness” (Mosiah 2:41) that is promised to those who keep the commandments of God and that, while doing so, we may be able to say,(Like Nephi) “And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness” (2 Nephi 5:27).”
If my remarks are inspiring some of you, I invite you to repent, renew your temple recommend, visit the house of the Lord, go on a faith journey of change, restore your hope, commit to doing the small simple things in life and live after the manner of happiness with those you love. You will find fulfillment and life’s second paycheck…the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
The Lord says as such in D&C 64:33-34
33 Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.
34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.
I thank Bishop Stearman for his invitation to repent daily and I thank God for His blessings, His kindness, His love, for the gift of his Son, and His Infinite Atonement, allowing Him to sacrifice everything for us, to allow me to continue to repent and find true joy and happiness, here on earth, with my wife, and in my life.
To this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.